Reapplying

So I have to reapply to Western in order to take classes in the fall. I am kind of annoyed since I have to spend $50 and the time to do it when I am not for certain I will be attending fall quarter. I am pretty sure I will be at WWU fall quarter but I am really hoping I am not. Fingers crossed. I did have a long talk with one of my aunties that made me feel a lot better about not getting in this year. She made me see that it might be a good thing if I have a year off so I can recuperate for the stressfulness of having gone to school for 17 years straight. It is kind of nice not to have anything to do but it would be nice to get the whole med school phase over with so I could start other segments of my life that have to be postponed until after I have killed myself with rotations, boards, 1st year and 2nd year exams, internship and then residency.
It is really weird not knowing what is going to happen after graduation. Honestly if I wasn't looking to go on to medical school I don't know what I would with just a bachelors. Kind of weird to think about.

Decision

So I am not going to go to Missouri over Spring break. I decided that it would be best that I work on my application before I waste their time. I am not going to lie, I am kind of excited to have my Spring break back. I feel kind of bad for wasting my parents money applying this time. So I am going to work really hard to improve myself for next time. Ugh...need to focus.

To go or not to go.

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I should do about next year and about my KCOM interview. As of right now, I am going to still graduate in June, retake the MCATs this summer, and come back in the fall to retake biochem. I also am looking at taking some other science courses to try to up my science gpa. I have an interview that I was stupidly convinced by my mother to reschedule for the day after Easter so I won't be in WA for family events. I am leaning towards canceling the trip to MO and save the money until I have revamped my application so I am a better overall candidate so I have a serious chance. Andy is trying to convince me to go to the interview, but I think my parents think that I should maybe wait. I am not sure what to do. Only three weeks until my interview.....decisions, decisions.

Waiting

So I emailed PNWU and found out that I was put on the wait list. There are currently 30 candidates on the list for a 70 seat class. I don't have a very good feeling about getting in this year. I asked what I could do differently to make me a more outstanding candidate and they said that I should retake my MCATs and try and boost my science GPA. I knew my MCATs were low, I took them when I did not have all the classes they suggest but I wanted to just get a feel for it. They also told me to apply earlier which ticks me off cause I turned my application in early and was just waiting for my doctor's letter which he decided to take 3 months to write. Ugh... Another annoyance was that they told me my interview score was low which totally disgusts me cause I felt so good about my interview. Now I feel like I have to change the whole person I am just to impress them.
Honestly I think the "why do you want to be a doctor" question is retarded. It would take me longer than the allotted time for the whole 26 questions to answer this question. I didn't get to tell them about my best friend that died while I was 7 cars behind him and that gut wrenching feeling of wanting to be able to do something but not being capable. I didn't get to tell them about how taking care of Mykenzie when she is sick is what I want to do for the rest of my life because I have seen the terrible side of health that is debilitating. I didn't get to tell them that I watched my grandpa die from Alzheimer's and how scared I am when my mom declares that she thinks she has signs of it. My whole life has made me want to be a doctor and they expect me to explain that in 30 minutes.
I really feel like I failed myself. I so badly wanted to drop out of school last night so I didn't have to come and face all my friends that have been so supportive. I didn't want to respond to texts last night of people asking me if I got a call. I broke down in tears on the bus yesterday because I knew it was after 5pm and they wouldn't be calling. I held out a shred of hope till about 8pm thinking maybe, just maybe they were calling later so hopefully they would reach all the candidates to tell them in person. I really feel like I am on the verge of depression and I just want to get away from everything and everyone. If I could stay locked in my room for like a few months I don't think it would be long enough.
I do have an interview for a med school in Missouri, KCOM, in March but they informed me it would be for a position on the wait list or for next years class. I honestly don't even care anymore. I guess I am not as strong as I thought I was cause right now I am having second thoughts about going to med school. If I did get accepted to KCOM class next year I think I would accept because I honestly don't want to have to take my MCATs again, I felt so unprepared and dumb after I took them. I hate standardized tests, I don't do well really on any kind of tests. I really don't see the link between doing well with organic chemistry and being a good doctor. I really feel being a good doctor is about the passion you hold for your profession and the desire to do well. I really believe I have that passion but I guess that I don't make that clear.

Disappointed

Well I didn't get a call today. Pretty upset, calling tomorrow to find out if I at least was put on the waitlist and what I can do to better my application for next time. I knew this was a big possibility but the rejection hurts so much and it really sucks having to wait a whole year to go through this process again. I think it is harder for a girl because most girls want to have kids and have to put that off till after med school and residency to have kids. I really want kids. If I could do it, I would have a kid next year but I can't. And now, I have to wait 9 years to have a kid instead of 8.

I don't think you are supposed to do that

So I think that there are some kind of rule about not crying in an interview. Well I did it. I got through all 26 of the standardized questions that they ask everybody and we had a lot of time left and we were sitting there talking for a while. So one of the ladies interviewing me asked if I could talk to any two people, dead or alive, who would they be. Well it was a really easy answer for me, my grandparents. They died when I was 10 and I really wish that I could tell them everything thing I have accomplished. Well as soon as I said their names my eyes started welling up. I told them why I would want to talk to them and stated that my grandma was another reason I wanted to be a doctor, because when my mom was 9 my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer and told she wouldn't see my mom graduate from high school. I want to be able to give some other little girl the chance to meet their grandma instead of only knowing her face from a picture. Well I got one of the ladies to start crying too. I really hope that doesn't make me look weak.
Other than that, I think the interview went fairly well. I receive a call on Tuesday from the dean if I got in. Going to the interview made me want to go to PNWU that much more. I met with all the staff and they are so amazing and fun. I sat with one of the doctors who graduated from the school my dad went to and she is an OB which is what I want to be, and we talked for about 15 minutes before she had to go interview some of the candidates. I totally fell in love with the staff and the curriculum. I always wanted to go to med school, but now I know I will be missing out on a wonderful experience if I don't get to go to PNWU. So I am waiting nervously and hopefully for my phone to ring on Tuesday. Thanks for all the support, I couldn't have done it without you guys.

Off I go

I am leaving for Yakima in about an hour for my interview. Tomorrow the process begins with a luncheon at noon followed by an informal question and answer period with the dean. I then wait around until 2:45pm for my interview which is supposed to last half an hour. I have been trying to prep for questions and not be nervous but I know when I get in there I am not going to deliver rehearsed answers. I am just waiting now for my dad to get off so I can go. Hopefully he will give me some insight that will help me answer questions tomorrow. I will be back tomorrow night and then I will find out on Tuesday whether or not I got in. Here I go....

And another...

So I got an email tonight from the medical school my dad went to in Kirksville, Missouri and I have been offered an interview. The spots for this years freshmen class are filled but I would be wait listed for a position and also given the possibility of advanced placement into next years class. It makes me really wonder how I would have done if my letter of recommendation from a doctor was turned in like a month before it was. I requested a letter in November and the doctor didn't get it finished until about 3 weeks ago. So it looks like I will flying to Missouri over Spring break for that interview. I guess it would be nice to have a spot secured for next year in case I don't get into this years class.

Oh the stress

Well there is less than two weeks until my medical school and I am pretty much freaking out. I feel like I should be preparing but right now I don't have time. I have three midterms this week and the rough draft of my 12-15 page paper due. Life is so stressful. Honestly, I looked at the student handbook for the med school I want to go to and got so discouraged and asked myself if this is really for me. It is so intimidating. I have to spend like a zillion hours in lab, freshmen and sophomores have to go to summer semester so I will be in school from August 11-June 19, and I can't wear jeans or sweat pants ever. I know the last item shouldn't be that much of a shock because I am now at like a professional level, but it is still school. I freaking have to dress up for school everyday. I am getting mentally worn out from the stress of midterms and my interview. I will be so glad when the next two weeks are over but I know that I am also going to have tons of regret. I am one of those people that right after I get out of taking a test looks up the answers to problems I wasn't sure about so I know after my interview I will look back on how I answered questions and beat myself up about my answers. And according to somebody that has already had an interview at PNU, they ask very specific, hard questions. I guess we will see how it goes.
So at this point, dropping out of school and eating government issued cheese with Mykaila down by the river sounds fantastic. Not really a big fan of vans though. There is an old school bus down the road that I think is for sale.
I am also wishing I had changed my voters registration so I could go to the caucus tomorrow at Western and actually participate. I don't have the time to drive down to Sultan to get involved. It is pretty cool to me that Washington could really effect the outcome of the democratic nomination.