There are many things I love about my parents but there is a story that I am most proud of that exemplifies the type of people they are. It happened when I was little and though I was present, I didn't grasp what was going on until much later in life. It was a normal thing for us to hang out with my preschool teacher, Gloria and her family. We often took turns hosting dinner so going over to their house one particular night didn't strike me as weird or special. I loved Gloria. She was awesome. And even though her sons were older than me, they still put up with me. We ate dinner all together and then started watching a movie. The volume was up pretty loud and I think we had some Lincoln Logs we were playing with down on the floor. I didn't really notice that my parents slipped out of the house during this time but I do recall being told to stay in the living room which was at the back of the house. I learned later that my parents were standing outside, protecting Gloria and Willy's house from a group of KKK members who had been threatening them for weeks. We spent several nights at Gloria's for the next few weeks. This was Southern Missouri in the late 80s. Events like this were rather common unfortunately. This story highlights how I was brought up; to treat everyone as equal no matter their education, background, color, gender, or beliefs.
I bring this up to preface what I am about to delve into, to say I am not jumping on a side because it is "the white side" or "fighting for the minority". The lessons my parents taught me stuck and I see people as people, no separate categories because of the pigment of their skin. Bottom line, I want justice to take place with a non biased, thorough investigation of what went down on August 9th. I have attempted to refrain from posting anything on social media regarding my feelings about what has been going down less than two hours from me but my frustration has boiled over and is driving me nuts. So many people want to jump to it being strictly a race issue. I won't say that it didn't play a factor but that might not be the whole issue. What about this kid walking down the street in daylight caused the officer to feel the need to draw his weapon? Should the video of him robbing a convenient store come into play?
Let's start with Ferguson, MO. For the people back home, it is comparable to the south Lakewood and Parkland areas. It isn't as bad as East St. Louis but it's not a place you get ice cream and skip down the streets either. This is a place I lock my car doors if I have to drive through. I wouldn't stop for gas in this area and I have my phone charging in case I needed it. To be honest, I would drive out of my way to avoid going through that area all together. Why? I know several people who have been mugged or harassed in that area. Being short and unformidable, I opt to play it safe. Crime has been on the decline in the areas surrounding Ferguson but it's reputation persists for a reason.
A point I keep hearing on the news is that there are only three African American police officers on the 50+ member Ferguson Police Department. Yes, Ferguson is predominately an African American community but what about some other statistics. The Ferguson-Florissant area has a graduation rate of around 70% but close to 50% of fourth graders have below average reading abilities. These statistics make it less likely for kids from that area to go on to enroll in a police academy or college. The majority of the citizens are blue collar workers. There is also the negative connotation regarding cops that is ever present in the poorer communities which Ferguson most certainly is.
How about the witnesses? Somehow I was venture to bet that Brown's friend is pretty biased as most people's friends or family would be. As for the other witnesses that claim to have watched the shooting go down, what caused them to turn their attention to Brown and Wilson? Was it the sound of bullets or was it shouting that took place prior? Did they actually see the whole thing or just the final moments? And unfortunately, stemming from an embarrassing history with white people (yes, I have white guilt for the things my ancestors did prior to my existence), there is a tendency for the African American community to band together when one of their own falls. Need an example? How about OJ Simpson who is still defended to this day even after he wrote a book about how he might have carried out the murders. What I am simply trying to say is we may not have good unbiased witnesses to help answer the question of what happened leading up to the trigger being pulled.
Let's talk about the video. While this is just my take on what I saw in the video, I doubt anyone would try to argue that Brown was being friendly to the convenient store cashier. I would label him a bully and if I were in the cashier's shoes I would have felt threatened by the body language used. While he was unarmed, it does not take a knife, gun, or other weapon to be threatening or cause damage. He had none of those items as he robbed the convenient store but was able to use his force to terrify another human. This is in vast contrast to the angelic depiction I have heard his family try to portray.
Do I think it is fishy that we have yet to hear a description of the incident from the officer involved? Yes. Do I think things have been handled poorly? Most definitely. Do I think people are acting appropriately? An emphatic NO. There is no reason for the looting and destruction that we have seen in the week and a half since Brown's death. I have friends working in the hospitals around the area that have seen multiple injuries each night of the protests. These injuries have included stab and gunshot wounds to go along with the tear gas. At least 10 police officers have been taken to the hospital during this time. An eye for an eye is not a way to solve this.
Now we have another fatal shooting involving an officer. The environment that has been present around St. Louis for decades needs to be changed. It is going to take a lot for relations to be rebuilt. Trying to figure out the right way to move forward likely doesn't come with easy solutions. The first thing that needs to happen is to allow the investigation to be done before jumping to the conclusion that it is going to be corrupted. I want to believe in our justice system and I want others to have faith in it as well. I want citizens to have a sense of security and officers to feel safe while on the job. I want the media to stop stirring up further problems and stop giving camera time to the non-peaceful rioters and looters.
I want everyone to be safe and not have to worry about walking down the street. I want bullying to not be okay. I want race issues to be the only thing that is dead.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Cloud 9
Well, I'm officially in my fourth and final year of medical school. It's amazing how quickly it has flown by but at the same time I recall moments during first and second year that seemed to drag on. I finished up third year doing OB/Gyn in April and Peds in May. I loved almost all of my rotations this past year but these two really stuck out and were phenomenal.
My April rotation was back with the OB/Gyn I rotated with in September. Honestly, if I wasn't going to do Peds I would most likely go in to OB/Gyn. Like my September rotation, this one was full of some crazy unexpected twists and turns. I encountered one of those experiences that I definitely will never forget in my whole medical career. It was at the beginning of the month and I went to check on one of our ladies that had been in labor for about 13 hours. It was her first pregnancy so she was actually progressing quite well. I walked into the room to find the soon-to-be mom, her husband, a nurse, and a tech. She was in the final stages of labor and had started to push. As I was talking to the patient and asking her how she was feeling, her leg went numb and within a few minutes her left hand started to shake. My first thought was "oh s**t, this is going to be bad" but the nurse reassured the patient, husband, and me that she had been laboring so long her muscles were fatigued. Well...I was right. She went full on grand mal seizure. The nurse and tech ran out of the room to get help so you know, it was just me, a seizing lady, and her frantic husband. We did a C-section and had baby out within 8 minutes of her seizure. Long story short, the mom recovered, baby was fine and adorable, and it was the first time I was put in the real doctor shoes. It was amazingly scary but I learned a lot about myself. Most importantly, I didn't freeze in an emergency.
May was my favorite rotation of the entire year. It firmly cemented Peds is the right place for me. I was able to rotate with a different pediatrician who has been out of residency for two years. He took a lot of time to teach me things and give me pointers for residency. I encountered a little girl that absolutely stole my heart. She is 14 months old and has a rare heart condition called Scimitar syndrome. She has had 5-6 surgeries already in her short life and is scheduled to have her right lung removed in the next week. So much has happened in her short life yet she is so happy and full of life. Her little body wasn't constructed to take her past her third birthday most likely, but that little peanut made a huge impact on me and how she LIVES her life and there honestly hasn't been a single day since I was blessed to meet her three weeks ago that I haven't wondered how she is doing.
And then there was the past two days. The first two days of fourth year. They have been downright incredible. I am on internal medicine and lucked out that my attending has dismissed us to study for boards which I really need to do. Blessing. Yesterday I received an email from our Med Ed secretary wanting to pass along my most recent evaluation because she thought I needed to see the comments. It had me really nervous. Like sweaty palms, pitting out nervous. Evaluations from peds clerkships count as a whole lot for residency selection. Well I think my attending was way nicer than I deserved. He wrote many flattering things including "Very professional and polished like a senior resident despite only being a third year medical student." Awesome. And today, I received an email from the attending with a letter of recommendation for me and a note saying that because he hadn't done very many of these, he sent my letter to the pediatric residency director at Mizzou to have her look over it. She responded with an inquiry as to whether or not I would be applying to their program because she would love to interview me in the fall. Are you kidding me?!?!? Honestly, I had ruled out MD programs because I didn't feel competitive enough but this gave me hope. My dream program has always been Mizzou. I literally almost cried happy tears in our medical library while reading that. Even if nothing happens, it was an amazing confidence boost that is much appreciated before boards and starting the application process.
To top of the past couple awesome months, my mom's scans came back completely clear. We had been following some suspicious nodes that were lighting up on scans but they have completely resolved in the past 6 months. Her tumor marker levels were also in normal range so it was the best possible news.
Till next time.
My April rotation was back with the OB/Gyn I rotated with in September. Honestly, if I wasn't going to do Peds I would most likely go in to OB/Gyn. Like my September rotation, this one was full of some crazy unexpected twists and turns. I encountered one of those experiences that I definitely will never forget in my whole medical career. It was at the beginning of the month and I went to check on one of our ladies that had been in labor for about 13 hours. It was her first pregnancy so she was actually progressing quite well. I walked into the room to find the soon-to-be mom, her husband, a nurse, and a tech. She was in the final stages of labor and had started to push. As I was talking to the patient and asking her how she was feeling, her leg went numb and within a few minutes her left hand started to shake. My first thought was "oh s**t, this is going to be bad" but the nurse reassured the patient, husband, and me that she had been laboring so long her muscles were fatigued. Well...I was right. She went full on grand mal seizure. The nurse and tech ran out of the room to get help so you know, it was just me, a seizing lady, and her frantic husband. We did a C-section and had baby out within 8 minutes of her seizure. Long story short, the mom recovered, baby was fine and adorable, and it was the first time I was put in the real doctor shoes. It was amazingly scary but I learned a lot about myself. Most importantly, I didn't freeze in an emergency.
May was my favorite rotation of the entire year. It firmly cemented Peds is the right place for me. I was able to rotate with a different pediatrician who has been out of residency for two years. He took a lot of time to teach me things and give me pointers for residency. I encountered a little girl that absolutely stole my heart. She is 14 months old and has a rare heart condition called Scimitar syndrome. She has had 5-6 surgeries already in her short life and is scheduled to have her right lung removed in the next week. So much has happened in her short life yet she is so happy and full of life. Her little body wasn't constructed to take her past her third birthday most likely, but that little peanut made a huge impact on me and how she LIVES her life and there honestly hasn't been a single day since I was blessed to meet her three weeks ago that I haven't wondered how she is doing.
And then there was the past two days. The first two days of fourth year. They have been downright incredible. I am on internal medicine and lucked out that my attending has dismissed us to study for boards which I really need to do. Blessing. Yesterday I received an email from our Med Ed secretary wanting to pass along my most recent evaluation because she thought I needed to see the comments. It had me really nervous. Like sweaty palms, pitting out nervous. Evaluations from peds clerkships count as a whole lot for residency selection. Well I think my attending was way nicer than I deserved. He wrote many flattering things including "Very professional and polished like a senior resident despite only being a third year medical student." Awesome. And today, I received an email from the attending with a letter of recommendation for me and a note saying that because he hadn't done very many of these, he sent my letter to the pediatric residency director at Mizzou to have her look over it. She responded with an inquiry as to whether or not I would be applying to their program because she would love to interview me in the fall. Are you kidding me?!?!? Honestly, I had ruled out MD programs because I didn't feel competitive enough but this gave me hope. My dream program has always been Mizzou. I literally almost cried happy tears in our medical library while reading that. Even if nothing happens, it was an amazing confidence boost that is much appreciated before boards and starting the application process.
To top of the past couple awesome months, my mom's scans came back completely clear. We had been following some suspicious nodes that were lighting up on scans but they have completely resolved in the past 6 months. Her tumor marker levels were also in normal range so it was the best possible news.
Till next time.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Suggestions
1. Coming to a doctors appointment high is never cool...especially when there is a tiny critter feeding off whatever you put in to your body.
2. You do not need to go to the ER for nausea or for a UTI. These can all be managed in a clinic!
3. Antibiotics are for bacteria. Viruses are not bacteria.
4. Some amount of pain is normal. As my last attending liked to say "pain means you're alive".
5. There is no pill for the shortness of breath you are experiencing from the pack a day you are smoking and your obesity.
6. When you come in requesting a pap smear seven months after your last one, maybe you should rethink some of your choices.
7. You have no feeling in your feet? Yes, this concerns me. But when you let me know that you aren't compliant with your diabetes medications and are eating fast food for every meal don't be shocked when I'm not jumping out of my seat to figure out what the heck is going on.
8. STOP SMOKING!!!! We aren't just saying this cause we like the sound of our own voices (okay, some of us do).
2. You do not need to go to the ER for nausea or for a UTI. These can all be managed in a clinic!
3. Antibiotics are for bacteria. Viruses are not bacteria.
4. Some amount of pain is normal. As my last attending liked to say "pain means you're alive".
5. There is no pill for the shortness of breath you are experiencing from the pack a day you are smoking and your obesity.
6. When you come in requesting a pap smear seven months after your last one, maybe you should rethink some of your choices.
7. You have no feeling in your feet? Yes, this concerns me. But when you let me know that you aren't compliant with your diabetes medications and are eating fast food for every meal don't be shocked when I'm not jumping out of my seat to figure out what the heck is going on.
8. STOP SMOKING!!!! We aren't just saying this cause we like the sound of our own voices (okay, some of us do).
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Happenings
Planning for next year is in full swing. And it's terrifying! The thought of trying to pick the top three places I am interested in for residency is daunting. I have absolutely no idea how to even narrow the list down to three. They all kind of look the same when I do my pros and cons list. I don't think I am a huge city girl so I have kind of shuffled the Brooklyn sites at the bottom of the list and I'm not big into the GTLing so Jersey gets put down there too. The good/super stressful thing is that my match will be over in less than a year so this whole limbo thing will be over in twelve months.
I finished my pediatrics rotation last month and am on my second to the last required rotation of this year. In four months I will be done with all the remaining tests I have to take in medical school. Then it is just a year of clinicals and enjoying my last 11 months before graduation. Pretty nuts how close the end is getting.
As far as family goes, everything seems to be going well. Mom is still healing from her December surgery but everything is pretty on track and she is scheduled for her final surgery in May. I think she will be very happy to get that out of the way. Otherwise they are both kind of waiting to see where I match to before they decide where their next adventure will take place.
Things are always changing here in JC whether it be rotations, the people, weather, or what random expedition we find ourselves on. We have all been spending quite a bit of time together in hospital as well as out. We have had residency selection and completion of boards to celebrate and it is starting to set in that June is not that far away when some students and interns will be moving on to far away places. I have gotten to know some new people and been out in the awful dating scene. I like hanging out with my dog so much better.
Speaking of my dog, the little troublemaker has a heart condition. I ended up taking her to a veterinary cardiologist (who knew there was such a thing) and there is no structural defect but the electrical conduction is definitely jacked up. She got put on some old people medicine (a beta blocker) to help slow down her heart rate which was beating at 300 bpm (normal is around 100 bpm) and try to get her rhythm to be regular. Luckily, they did clear her to fly and the cardiologist said she wasn't restricted from any activities. I would have problem pet.
Happy Belated Valentine's Day! And Happy Presidents Day!
I finished my pediatrics rotation last month and am on my second to the last required rotation of this year. In four months I will be done with all the remaining tests I have to take in medical school. Then it is just a year of clinicals and enjoying my last 11 months before graduation. Pretty nuts how close the end is getting.
As far as family goes, everything seems to be going well. Mom is still healing from her December surgery but everything is pretty on track and she is scheduled for her final surgery in May. I think she will be very happy to get that out of the way. Otherwise they are both kind of waiting to see where I match to before they decide where their next adventure will take place.
Things are always changing here in JC whether it be rotations, the people, weather, or what random expedition we find ourselves on. We have all been spending quite a bit of time together in hospital as well as out. We have had residency selection and completion of boards to celebrate and it is starting to set in that June is not that far away when some students and interns will be moving on to far away places. I have gotten to know some new people and been out in the awful dating scene. I like hanging out with my dog so much better.
Speaking of my dog, the little troublemaker has a heart condition. I ended up taking her to a veterinary cardiologist (who knew there was such a thing) and there is no structural defect but the electrical conduction is definitely jacked up. She got put on some old people medicine (a beta blocker) to help slow down her heart rate which was beating at 300 bpm (normal is around 100 bpm) and try to get her rhythm to be regular. Luckily, they did clear her to fly and the cardiologist said she wasn't restricted from any activities. I would have problem pet.
Happy Belated Valentine's Day! And Happy Presidents Day!
Monday, December 9, 2013
Another Year Down
Things are moving pretty fast around here. During the month of November I knocked out two short rotations: anesthesia and radiology. I'm currently manning the crazy people (or the ones that don't know where they're at) on psychiatry with only two weeks to go. This rotation has been pretty quiet. I am only allowed to really see the patients we are consulted on in the hospital since most of the patients seen in the clinic are employees at the hospital and don't want us in the room. So I mainly just sit around the library doing some online shopping and working on assignments my attending gives me. Of course on my birthday this would all get thrown out the window and become a super insane day. We had two code blues, two new consults, a degloving of a shin in the ER that required 22 stitches, and I was able to sit in on two kiddos with ADHD. And it culminated in me going home work on an article review which I had to give the next morning. The highlight of the whole day was when I poked my head out of the triage room in the ER to let the family know I was about to put the last stitch in and as I was closing the door I heard the daughter on the phone telling someone that "the doctor just let them know that she was about done with the stitches". I got "thank you doctor" from the patient and her kids when I was done too. The excitement of that is not lost on this girl.
I made the whirlwind trip back home for Thanksgiving and was able to see family I haven't seen for a whole year and meet new little ones. There was the traditional soccer game, noodle and Grandma Hill's roll making, and going in to Seattle for dessert and putting up the Christmas tree. This of course was followed by (successful!) Black Friday shopping to knock out all the cousins. It is always nice to spend time with family but with recent family stress, it was that much more important. There have been a great deal of changes at the hospital my mom works at with new management stepping in who are implementing a lot of changes. One of these changes is asking my mom to step down from the manager position she has held for the past five years. With hospitals on the West coast still recovering from the recession, there aren't many open positions in management and with the extensive neuropathy my mom has from chemo, she is fearful of taking a position back at the bedside. With her ongoing surveillance for cancer, there is also a lot of anxiety when it comes to losing insurance since she carries both of my parents' insurance. Needless to say, there is a lot of stress at home.
Hope everyone had a very Happy Thanksgiving and you are enjoying the holiday season!
Hope everyone had a very Happy Thanksgiving and you are enjoying the holiday season!
Monday, November 4, 2013
The Ramblings of a Crazy Lady
The last couple months have been super busy. My surgery rotation last month took up a lot more of my time. One of our general surgeons left the hospital which meant we are down to two general surgeons and then of course it would be the perfect time for one of them to go on vacation....so it was just my attending on for half the month. There was not much sleeping being done in the month of October for me. Luckily the other student and resident I was one with were awesome and we all got along really well. Being that busy did mean we got to see some pretty cool stuff. All I have to say is there is a reason we suggest the preventative testing when we do and harp on it so much. Get your colonoscopies people!!!
Third year core rotations will be half way over after this Friday which means I should probably get going on setting up my schedule for next year along with my two electives for this year. I guess I should commit to which specialty I actually want to end up in too. I'm having far too much fun with everything which is making it that much harder to decide. Babies still draw me in and I find myself signing up to be with the anesthesiologist that is on OB while I'm on my anesthesiology short rotation to get back into the delivery room.
Along with all the school chaos, I opted to add more demands on my life by getting a puppy. Lexie is a 16 week lab/spaniel mix who is very energetic. She is totally a momma's girl and is pretty terrified of the most ridiculous things (the mop!!!). I adopted her from a shelter where she was born after some people tried to drown her mom and they discovered she was pregnant upon admission in to the kennel. She is a handful but completely worth it. And she will be getting her first introduction to WA come December.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Lost
I guess I was pretty naive going in to this whole thing thinking my first loss was going to be an older person (for some reason I always pictured it being a little old man) probably with some chronic heart failure or COPD who knew there time was coming and was surrounded by their family. It never crossed my mind that my first loss as a med student would be on my OB rotation. Now there is a newborn baby girl and her two year old sister that will grow up without their mommy. My heart is truly aching for this family. I have gone over her chart and all my interactions with her multiple times but it doesn't change the fact that she is gone. It isn't a patient scenario anymore, I don't just get to walk away at the end of the day and brush it off because it was some made up case. This was my patient and though she showed no signs of there being anything wrong with her, all labs were clear, her BP had normalized, and her imaging came back negative it doesn't make this nagging feeling going away.
I keep trying to tell myself that we did everything we could. The CT we ordered was extra because my attending had a hunch that something wasn't right. So how do you explain it to her family? How do you look her husband in the eyes and tell him that he is going to have to raise these little girls on his own?
It seemed like a simple case. Open and shut. Maybe that is why this is so hard to digest. I have been feeling ridiculously nauseated since coming back from the hospital this afternoon. I almost broke down and cried in the grocery store. Maybe I will get used to losing patients eventually but I sure hope not. I don't want this to be something I am used to. I like people alive and healthy and able to play with their 2 year old daughters and snuggle their newborns. But unfortunately I have to look at this as a learning opportunity and vow to not let it happen to the next one (even though there was nothing really we could do which sucks even more).
I keep trying to tell myself that we did everything we could. The CT we ordered was extra because my attending had a hunch that something wasn't right. So how do you explain it to her family? How do you look her husband in the eyes and tell him that he is going to have to raise these little girls on his own?
It seemed like a simple case. Open and shut. Maybe that is why this is so hard to digest. I have been feeling ridiculously nauseated since coming back from the hospital this afternoon. I almost broke down and cried in the grocery store. Maybe I will get used to losing patients eventually but I sure hope not. I don't want this to be something I am used to. I like people alive and healthy and able to play with their 2 year old daughters and snuggle their newborns. But unfortunately I have to look at this as a learning opportunity and vow to not let it happen to the next one (even though there was nothing really we could do which sucks even more).
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