Guarded

If I keep everyone an arms length away, then I don't get hurt. It doesn't leave me standing here wondering if we are on the same page or did that mean something totally different to you. I am an emotions-all-in kind of girl. That's why the walls have been up for so long. I remember what the sting felt like and how long it took to recover. So when I let you in, even I was shocked. And then you just back away and I'm back to being alone. My patience can last only so long. In the mean time, I get to deal with all the thoughts running through my head about whether or not it was worth it, did I read too far into things, and how did I let myself get that vulnerable so quickly? My go to remedy of a "He's Just Not Into You" marathon coupled with sugar, caffeine, and not coming out from under the covers until I absolutely have to will be in affect all weekend.

On a brighter, more important note, my mom only has five treatments left of this chemotherapy. Every treatment she completes brings new amazement to me. This was a drug that her oncologist highly doubted she would be able to tolerate after her horrible reaction to the last one but my mom is marching her way through treatment. It has not been side effect free but she is determined not to inhibited by it. The finish line of June 23rd is creeping closer and closer.