Study Break (aka Pharm procrastination)

Pretty crazy that this is my 5th finals week of med school. Only two left!!! Second year is proving to be pretty trying. First year on a stress scale was nervous sweating, nail biting, and sometimes the occasional outburst of tears but second year is on the level of not knowing what my hair is doing cause I haven't had time to look in the mirror, keeping deodorant in the car cause I can't remember if I made it to that step this morning, and high risk of developing an ulcer from the stress and large quantities of Diet Coke cause water just isn't cutting it. I have yet to become an energy drink addict like our internal med docs and some of the residents that lecture. Everyone here seems on edge a lot of the time and I have learned to not ask how a person's day is going for fear I might cause a psychotic meltdown. On the plus side, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

A final and an OTM practical are all that separate me from making the seven state jump back home. I have been really looking forward to going home (to the point of making a packing list already) but in the last few days I have been thinking a lot about how hard this holiday season is going to be for many reasons. To be honest, I am not looking forward to sitting down at the dinner table with it just being the three of us. Even though we have done it before because there was always somewhere else for her to be, the possibility still existed that it could be the four of us. I think seeing the empty chair is going to be devastating to my parents who have already had a tough year and I am not good at filling the awkward silence. And I don't want our conversation to focus on the things that went wrong either.

So with all that said, my goal this year is to encourage optimism and hope. To focus on what is ahead and not what is behind. Improving what is around rather than criticizing what is lacking. Looking at the good in each other instead of pulling out the flaws and only seeing mistakes.

I guess I should now go spend some time looking over the drugs that I had no clue about on today's exam. Why do drug names have to be so hard??? This is one area I can't try and find the good in cause no matter how elegant a long drug name may sound it still sucks to memorize. I'm thankful that I am here though, getting to struggle through parasite drugs.