I'm having an odd internal struggle at the moment. We had immunology case presentations yesterday and I was so nervous leading up to it so much so that there were a couple of times I thought I might throw up. I guess letting myself get that worked up about it is a problem in and of itself. I was really down on myself and berating myself for having not studied it more and slightly regretting having gone down to my aunt's house this past weekend since it meant missing out on a bunch of study time. Our grades aren't in yet but coming away from it and the feedback I got from people in the room as well as comments made by the instructor I rocked my case and then asked good questions of the other cases which is also part of your grade. I was elated though I might pay for some of those questions I asked when we do our next cases cause I think I definitely deserve some payback hard questions (oops).
So this all leads up to my problem per se. I know I am in medical school and have done all of these "smart" things but I have never really felt all that intelligent. Am I supposed to? I feel like I have just been super duper lucky to get to this point. And here's the other thing, I don't know if that is necessarily what I want to be known for either. Over the weekend, I sat and talked with my aunt a bunch about my uncle. I heard stories I had never heard before, saw the loneliness that his passing has caused, and found out that he thought I was the smartest girl he ever knew and that I was raised right. I love that he thought I was raised right and without sounding egotistical would have to agree that my parents did an amazing job and taught me to be level headed and open minded. But the smart part, 1) I don't think I agree and 2) I can think of other things that I would rather be known for such as empathetic, caring, and kind. Obviously knowledge is a huge part of being a physician but I guess this reflects on how I want to come across to my patients. I do want them to feel confident in my abilities but I think more importantly I want them to know that I care and I am devoted to helping them. Providing an environment where they feel like they can share and will be listened to I believe is more important in the treatment process because it always for a patient to open up about all their ailments instead of just the major one and focusing on that. So my new goal is to do a better job at showing that I care.
2 comments:
Meaghan you are a very caring person. I believe that you will be a wonderful doctor, and your patients will love you. You have a very caring nature, and the love to help others. You are a beautiful person inside and out! Love you, and miss you tons!
I personally think you're smart..........but I think your determination and goal oriented drive is really what is getting you where you're going. You're not going to let anything get in the way of your goals and I absolutely LOVE that about you. AND.....you are going to be a wonderful doctor. Just that you are concerned about how you are coming across to your patients already in your first year of med school shows how much you truly care about the welfare of the people you're seeing not just following the medical procedures. I'm so thankful that we have you to use as an example of awesomeness for Cadence. When she grows up I want her to be JUST LIKE YOU! :) Love you!
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