Unsaid

I am using this space to get the feelings out. The past few days I haven't allowed myself to think about my own feelings but have focused on those of my mom and my sister too. People have asked me how I am doing and my consistent answer is that I am ok. I have even lied and said I was good. To be honest, I am scared. And it isn't that I am scared of my mom losing this battle, I am scared for the pain she is going to feel and how sick she is going to get. I hate that I won't be there through this fight to hold her hand, to make sure she drinks water, to remember to bring her favorite blanket, and to have hard candy at the ready to help tone down the nasty taste in her mouth. I am scared to come home in two weeks and attempting to stay strong when I know the changes that will be occurring next week are going to tear me up inside.

I found myself on the Susan G. Komen boards tonight. There is something slightly comforting about reading what other families are feeling and dealing with as they go through a similar situation. They recommend doing whatever it is that helps your relax and comforts you. Predictable advise and not something I really needed to go to the message boards to know. I am predicting this week will be full of cooking and baking. It is a good thing that it is close to finals around here so I can easily pawn off my creations on people here so they won't just be sitting around my house for me to stress eat them away.