New member of Evergreen's HazMat Response Team

I feel like I am not using my life to its fullest capacity. I feel like I am sitting here watching everyone else live and have their dreams come true while I am stuck in this rut. My best friend just called me today to let me know that she has a new boyfriend. She broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years in July, it was a mutual break up, and has since dated several different guys before settling with this guy. I am extremely happy for her but am sad that our singles gang has fallen to three members and I am pretty sure the other two members are going to end up dating each other. Is it still a singles group with just one member? I think that is a no. Another best friend just found out today that he is going to be a dad. So crazy. I still can't get a grasp on that news. I was not prepared for that. It is going to be really funny to watch him with a kid though. He is totally the type that will teach his child to do naughty things and then will sit back and laugh watching his kid carry them out.
I feel like I am complete secluded in my life. I know that it is my responsibility to put myself out there but honestly I am terrified of this whole process. I felt so safe in my little world that I created, I completely trusted that person with my feelings. It scares me to even think about getting involved in any kind of relationship with somebody for fear that they could do the exact same thing to me. I am not okay with that and I know that there is very little that I can do to completely prevent that from happening except remove myself from this dating game. This is seriously frustrating me. Can't we all just wear signs around our necks that reveal our true selves? I think mine would say "committed, hurt, optimistic, stubborn, slight case of OCD, romantic, non-girly girl, free thinker, sarcastic, cheerful, lonely". I want to be able to look forward to something instead of the ever present reminder of the past and how wonderful I thought everything was. I am scared that this ability I had to read people based on the vibe I got from them is seriously flawed at least when it comes to relationships.
I have been spending a lot of time by myself, looking for quiet places to go on my breaks at work or retiring to the seclusion of my bedroom at home. Lots of deep thinking has been taking place. I am trying to wrap my brain around the saying "distance makes the heart grow fonder" and whether this is true or not. So far, my conclusion is that what I had was great, when I was in the relationship I even thought it was great but towards the end I was alone in this feeling. There were clues that I didn't see that should have warned me that he wanted out but I was too blinded by how I felt about him to see how he felt about me.
Also in this thinking time, I have put together my definition of cheating or being unfaithful. For me, this is not just some action that is carried out but also includes contemplating carrying out these actions. One of my best friends called it cheating of the heart. Finding out these thoughts was the most devastating yet liberating pieces that I came across exactly 6 months ago tomorrow. It showed me exactly who this person was and told me that that was not someone I wanted to be involved with.
It has been a long 6 months since this all took place and I have been told by some that I need to stop dwelling on the past. To be very honest, it is hard to just give up and move on. I loved him very deeply and if I saw him on the street today I would most likely try and hide. I dread driving through Sultan, fearing that passing his turn I might see his family or him turning. I think that was the most exciting thing about applying to med schools so far away is that I will possibly be on the other side of the country, far from any place that holds any memories of the two of us. I am making a vow that this is it in my venting about this issue. I feel like I have exhausted this topic and anyone reading is most likely getting tired of hearing about how upset I still am.