Surviving

Right now I am just trying to stay preoccupied so I don't think about the mess my life is in. It is amazing how in one minute you can lose the best friend you have. I have been spending time with two amazing best friends that give me the strength to get to the end of each day. They are honest with me and let me know when I am being stupid which I really appreciate. I have felt the strong support of my family and it has really made me appreciate how close we are. I am blessed to have been able to spend a fun filled afternoon with Miss Mykaila who is wise beyond her years and love that she made me forget that she is connected to the situation in a way and just treated me as a friend. I had such an awesome time with her, it astounds me that there is a seven year age difference.
I am really dreading going back to Bellingham. I fear that day that I pass him on campus. I fear talking to him. I honestly can't imagine a day that I could be just friends with him. I have grown up being taught that if there is enough reason for you to be in a relationship with someone then there is reason enough for you to remain friends. Well to be truthful, I think that I will eventually get to a point where I forgive him for his decision but the feelings I have towards him still really scares me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want me but that doesn't make it any easier to accept what happened.
At present, I am a mix of emotions. I hate him for the way he treated me and the manner in which he went about making his decision known. I am sad for the future I will regretfully not share with him. I am appreciative of the time and memories that I was able to share with him. I love him for the person he is.
I have been watching a lot of movies lately and I heard a line that sums up how I feel: "I can survive without you, I just don't want to". I will move on, I will be okay, I will accomplish my goals, it is just going to be different than how I had thought.