Giant Ball of Stress

Well, we are nine days out from (residency) Match. I thought the whole process of applying to med school would be the most stressful hurdle in this whole adventure but boy was I wrong. This point far surpasses anything I have gone through thus far. It seems like there are too many things working against me. For one, there are more people graduating from med school this year than ever before. Couple that with fewer residency positions open, especially in pediatrics and the numbers don't add up. It is estimated that at least 500 of us won't even get in to a traditional rotating internship position (this is a back up for a lot of people if they don't match into their first choice).

And then there were the things that I could have controlled and let myself down. I am my own tough critic picking apart my application each day thinking if I had just studied that extra hour rather than watching Grey's Anatomy how much better I could have done. But it is too late to make corrections and there are no do overs. Lists for both students and programs were turned in last week. Nine more excruciating days of waiting.

My stress is effecting all aspects of my life. My sleep, eating, how I treat people, tolerance level, and especially my emotions. So I apologize to anyone that has been on the receiving end of me blowing them off or a nasty glare or awful comment. There have also been disappointments to add to all of that as well. Expectations that didn't hold up. Some with people I barely knew and I take responsibility in building them up to fail and others with those I count closest to me. I'm holding back a rant right now as I am still digesting the hurt feelings and trying to come to a place of understanding.

So to my fellow 4th years going through these painstaking following nine days till the DO match, best of luck and if I could provide you Xanax or Ativan, I would. To those waiting on the MD match in March, good luck as well and I hope those announcing their happy match news next week don't drive you over the edge.

105 days till graduation!!!!