I don't know why

It has really been eating away at me lately that I can't remember the last time I told him I loved him. In spite of everything that has happened, I still really love him. I love him for the things that he is and for the person he is going to become. I guess it really doesn't matter anymore and I don't really like throwing that out there in this public place. I would send him a message saying it but I am not sure he would take it in the way I mean it. It hurts to push that aside. But I really do care. I want to see him happy. He was a huge, huge, huge part of my life and helped me get to where I am today. I wish that we could get to a point where we could put all this b.s. behind us and sit down and have a conversation as friends because after all he was my best friend. My great grandma always used to say "if there was enough reason for you to date a person then there is enough reason for you to be friends with that person". We shared a lot, he was the person I felt I could tell everything to. I just want him to know I still care and even if he choses not to be in my life, he still matters. It has been almost three months since I have talked to him and after talking to him almost everyday for five and a half years, those three months seem like forever. I don't want our last words to each other to be shouting over the phone. I really really really hate that. Through my tears, I just want him to know I think he is a beautiful person and I thank him for his time, the memories we shared, the hugs, the laughs, and the support. I love him, I did yesterday and today and I will tomorrow.