Tonight

So I saw your dad tonight. I felt like he may have been waiting to exchange hellos but honestly I have yet to reach that place where I feel I would make it through unscathed. I need to make it through right now BEING happy and seeing the pieces of the life I thought I was supposed to have is still really rough. For all the pain you have caused me, I still love and miss you. I know going back to that place is forever impossible but it does not mean that I do not want what I cannot have. I love your family, I began to feel apart of them. I really loved that. So my avoidance of your dad was not because I don't care, it is because I care a great deal and that is what makes this tough. One day I will be able to acknowledge your parents, but right now I need to work on re-cementing the foundation that was broken before I get to that step. Right now I am being selfish, taking all the time I need to to make sure I am fully recovered.