Screaming on the inside

I wish you could just take a break from life. I seriously want to just lock myself in my room and sleep there for at least two weeks, nothing to do but watch movies and read whatever the heck I want and drink lots of tea and eat ginger-molasses cookies. I have been hit on lately by two guys that I have known for a while and I know that should make me feel wanted, but that is the furthest thing from what it made me feel. It makes me feel even more alone and even more sad. I liked what I had, I was under the impression that we were good. I was honestly thankful for the blessings in my life. I can reflect now on that time and say that it was good because it made me happy and supported but then that knowledge that that is gone now comes rushing back. I want that security I had before about 7pm last night that everything was okay with my family and they were safe and healthy. I want something back that I know could never be the same again but I still want it.
I am right now graduating on June 14th and after that I have no idea what is ahead. At 22 with my bachelor's of science in biology and anthropology, I will be moving back in with my parents. I have no plans really laid out which for me is hard, I am a planner. I want to find happiness, I want to have someone's arms rapped around me and feel safe and loved, I want to be happy when I am alone and not feel this dark shadow hanging overhead. I feel like I could have done something differently that may have changed the outcome, but in the end what is done is done. My frustrations have carried on to my aunt's situation and I feel angry that something wasn't done earlier and there was a lot of waiting around. I want her to be better, I want her to have her life fulfilled and enjoy every minute of her life and not have this scary monster lurking in the background.
I love each and every one of you no matter your faults or positions.